Pentium meets Star Trek

Scene opens with starship Enterprise (complete with 'intel inside'
logo prominently displayed on the hull) coming under fierce attack
by another starship which resembles a huge bug.

On the bridge, where the large bug suddenly appears prominently on the
screen, and menacing music starts playing:

Kirk: "What the h---!  Red alert!  Battle stations!  Shields up!"

Spock (with 'intel inside' logo replacing the Star Trek logo on his
uniform): "Jim, it just isn't logical.  That bug materialized out of
nowhere!"

The Enterprise is hit with mighty blast.  The ship shudders.

Sulu: "Captain!  We've been hit through the shields!"

Spock: "What?  That shouldn't happen in 27,014.316 years."

Scotty (from engine room): "We're hit, Cap'n!  We canna take much more
o' this!"

Kirk: "Ahead, warp speed!"

Scotty: "I'm afraid we can't do that, Jim.  IBM just cancelled the
warp drive.  We're reduced to Pentium power.  At least we can still
crank the Windows."

Kirk: "What's the damage, Scotty?  How soon can we get out of here?"

Scotty: "It's such a tiny thing, Jim.  I've got the lawyers working on
it right now.  They think that it will blow over in a few days."

Kirk: "The _lawyers_??  What happened to the engineers?  We may not be
able to last a few more days."

Scotty: "Star Fleet Command replaced them at Star Base on the last stop."

Kirk: "Ahura, get Star Fleet Command!"

Ahura: "Captain, I can't get through.  Subspace is filled with gossip,
and our signal is being swamped."

Kirk: "Spock, you're the Science Officer.  What happened?"

Spock: "We're a gazillion lightyears off course, deep in Romulan
territory.  It seems that the computer miscalculated our heading in
the 4th decimal place using the FATAN function.  It's all very
logical."

The Enterprise is hit with another mighty blast.  Everyone on the
bridge runs from one side of the room to the other and back.  Smoke
pours in from somewhere or other.  Tacky-looking aliasing jaggies
appear momentarily on the large screen, where the antennae on the bug
wave jerkily, as if by DVI, and the bug grows larger...

[Tune in next month for the conclusion of this exciting episode of
'B B U U G G S S  I I N N  S S P P A A C C E E ! !']